Setting: A Townhouse in the Georgetown section of Washington with two bedrooms, a living room and a swimming pool in the back.
Scene I: The Livingroom
Monica Goodsky, in a bathrobe, is seated in the living room reading “The Faith-Directed Bureaucrat” as Monica Badling stumbles in from the bedroom on the left.
Monica Goodsky: “What time did you get home last night.”
Monica Badling: “I didn’t.”
Bill Clinton walks out of the same bedroom, tying his tie, and focuses on Monica Goodsky’s exposed thigh. “How ya doin’?”
Monica Goodsky, making a feeble attempt to cover her leg: “Closer to Heaven than you. Why are liberals always like animals in heat.”
Clinton: “Just doing God’s work as he reveals it to me.”
The phone rings and an answering machine answers. Hillary Clinton’s voice is heard leaving a message: “Don’t let Bill be seen in public before changing. Get him to the Larry King interview by 10:30.”
Monica Goodsky, Monica Badling in unison: “I detest that woman.”
Pat Robertson enters the living room from the other bedroom, tying his tie.
Monica Badling and Clinton look at Monica Goodsky, who says: “Just living the God-filled life.”
Clinton, reaches for an umbrella, then reconsiders, turning to Robertson: “The last time you talked, did God mention the five-day forecast?”
Robertson, looking at Monica Badsky: “It’s going to blow.”
A phone rings and a fax machine answers and begins to receive.
Monica Badling retrieves the fax: “A message from Karl to for Attorney General Gonzales.”
Monica Goodsky: “He’s already on his inner tube this morning. I’ll take the message to him.”
Monica Goodsky leaves the room and returns a short time later: “Elian-Alberto signed the fax from Karl, but I’m not sure making New Hampshire part of Cuba, and all the residents enemy combatants, will really help Bush in the polls.”
Clinton: “Karl has some good ideas, but he needs better feedback than from a 10-year-old Cuban kid on an inner tube.”
Robertson: “Everybody in the faith-based community knew when he was pulled from the Florida Straits that he would grow up to be attorney general.”
Monica Badsky: “Grow up is the key. If you had let him finish fourth grade, he might know a little bit more about the Justice Department when he testifies before Congress.”
The phone rings and Hillary’s voice is heard again on the answering machine: “Make sure Bill focuses on me in the Larry King interview.”
Monica Badling, Monica Goodsky, Clinton and Robertson: “God, I detest that woman.”
Monica Badling: “Bill, I hear Wolfowitz’s girlfriend got nearly $200,000 tax free.”
Monica Goodsky, looking at Monica Badling: “Maybe she could type.”
Clinton: “It just proves that Republicans aren’t really fiscally conservative.”
Robertson: “Oh, please. Can you tell if my limo is here yet? I need my facial before I leave for the conference in Hawaii.
Monica Badling: “What’s it about, Pat?”
Robertson: “Throwing off worldly things to follow the Lord.”
Monica Goodsky: “George W. called yesterday and asked what he could do to bring a God-directed solution to the world’s problems . . . “
Monica Badsky: “Or keep his poll numbers above 25%.”
Monica Goodsky: “I told him to just do what Jesus would do.”
Clinton: “The closest Ol’ George has been to walking in Jesus’s shoes, or any other part of the J.C. outfit, was at a toga party at a frat house.”
Monica Goodsky: “Yes, George himself felt he couldn’t pull off the Jesus thing. So, I suggested he try to be like Reagan.”
Monica Badsky: “Is that why the Attorney General is trying to write a book report on ‘Death Valley Days.’”
Robertson: “How does this toga party thing work? Can we all meet back here at 8?”
End of Scene One
